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Narcissist is bothered by your presence – borderline by your absence Both try to dissolve you and eliminate your separateness, agency, personal autonomy, and independence Either by rendering you inanimate and penalizing you for any deviation and divergence Or by merging and fusing with you while outsourcing to you critical psychological needs and functions. Both need to devalue and discard you: The narcissist in order to reenact separation-individuation from a mother figure The borderline in...
Topics: Avoidant Personality Disorder, criticism, disagreement, hypervigilance, hypersensitivity,...
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New effective treatments for BPD as the disorder is being redefined. Correction: 1:04:31 "This difference was NOT statistically significant". LITERATURE 1. The hidden borderline patient: patients with borderline personality disorder who do not engage in recurrent suicidal or self-injurious behavior Published online by Cambridge University Press: 29 July 2022 Mark Zimmerman and Lena Becker Psychological Medicine , First View , pp. 1 - 8 DOI: https://doi.org/10.1017/S0033291722002197 2....
Topics: DBT, healing, cure, remission, relapse, conflict, dysregulation, lability, borderline, psychopath,...
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Oct 2, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Watch “Narcissist: No Basic Trust and Ontological Insecurity” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5C43nEAb3tE In the study of identity, reflexivity refers to the human capability of turning the attention of consciousness back upon itself—being aware of the fact that we are aware, thinking about thinking, or more mundanely, perhaps, providing accounts of our selves. Giddens’s model of selfhood consists of three components: the unconscious, practical consciousness, and self-reflexivity. The...
Topics: ontological insecurity, reflexive, self, anthony giddens, narcissist, psychopath, borderline,...
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Oct 1, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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People who grew up in dysfunctional families tend to develop insecure attachment styles and flawed mate selection. They choose the wrong intimate partners in order to reenact unfinished early childhood conflicts within a comfort zone. The two types of “eligible” mates are those who offer absence and threaten presence and those who smother with their presence and threaten with their absence. The first kind are transactional, aloof, detached, cold, and emotionally absent. They make their...
Topics: intimacy, commitment, personality, hostile, pain, aversion, hurt, approach-avoidance repetition...
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Sep 30, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Watch “Narcissism and Reflexive Self “ (tomorrow's lecture) An ontologically insecure person does not accept at a fundamental level the reality or existence of things, themselves, and others. In contrast, the ontologically secure person has a stable and unquestioned sense of self and of his or her place in the world in relation to other people and objects. Ontological insecurity is important for understanding identity because it is an essential foundation for a person to achieve a stable...
Topics: ontological insecurity, reflexive, self, anthony giddens, narcissist, psychopath, borderline,...
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Sep 12, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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All autosexuals (Erotic Target Identity Inversions) are autoerotic, but only a minority of autoerotics are autosexual. Autoerotism more frequently finds expression via activities such as same-sex partnerships (homosexuality), or incest (which is sex with the living expression of one’s own genetic makeup). Gender dysphoria, transvestism, autogynephilia, autopedophilia, and similar paraphilias are all autoerotic. REFERENCES 1. Erotic Target Identity Inversions Among Men and Women in an Internet...
Topics: autoerotism, self love, sexuality, attraction, cathexis, libido, ego, object relations,...
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Sep 7, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Donald W. Winnicott, the famous paediatrician turned psychoanalyst, suggested that abused and traumatized children dare not hope for love. To protect themselves against disappointment, they hate others ostentatiously and desire to be hated in return. It is their way of testing the waters: can these people or institutions hate the child without resorting to maltreatment and rejection? Epictetus: Men are disturbed not by events, but by the views which they take of them. Albert Ellis, founder of...
Topics: childhood, abuse, trauma, victims, hate, hatred, provocation, test, caregivers, family, love, hope,...
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Sep 4, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Three separations: infantile, adolescent, social Impediments: dead mothers, strict parents, nanny states and institutions Each separation leads to self-state. It could be a healthy, functional self-state or, once impeded, a pathological one. Autonomous self-state (grandiose vs. insecure or fearful) Peer self-state (defiant vs. conforming) Social self-state (collaborative vs. avoidant) Disrupted self-states: Autonomous (borderline, narcissistic, paranoid, covert) Peer (schizoid, avoidant,...
Topics: Self-state, needs, frustration, aggression, narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, NPD,...
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Aug 29, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Passive-aggressives are people pleasers who express negative affectivity (anger, sadness, resentment, annoyance, envy) dysfunctionally (by frustrating and obstructing others). Covert narcissists are focused on sustaining a grandiose, fantastic view of themselves - not on their negative affects (emotions). Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3
Topics: passive-aggressive, negativistic, personality disorder, dsm, therapy, therapist, psychotherapy,...
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Aug 7, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Anxiety involves hyperarousal based on catastrophizing. Anxiety has many forms. Gut feelings, intuition, and hypervigilance are forms of anxiety. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3
Topics: hypervigilance, anxiety, gut feeling, information, processing, brain, alert, fear, panic,...
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Aug 6, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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(Starts 12:10 ) Borderline requires object constancy, pushes all her partners to develop introject constancy: she is too painful as an external object. Interacting with a BPD external object requires high-effort coping. To ensure object constancy, the borderline needs to freeze the partner, avoid any change and dynamic, thus provoking in the partner engulfment anxiety and avoidant behaviors. The partner then reacts with narcissistic defenses and evolved introject anxiety. To ensure introject...
Topics: narcissist, borderline, mortification, shock, shame, guilt, fear, personality, splitting, needs,...
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Aug 5, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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The narcissist invest emotional energy (cathexis) only in internal objects (introjects), never in external objects like you. This is because he feels safe only with internal objects: they never abandon or reject him. The introjects and internal objects are not constellated (integrated), so the narcissist has no ego or self. Some of the internal objects constitute self-states. In clinical terms: the narcissist has only introject (diffuse narcissistic) libido, never object libido. He identifies...
Topics: snapshot, narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, NPD, antisocial, therapy, relationships,...
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Aug 4, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Hyposexuality or Hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD) is a desire disorder in the DSM: no libido, little or no sex, and DISTRESS about it. Libido: attraction, desire, action towards self or object. Some asexuals are not attracted sexually to anyone, have no desire, and many of them are sexless, they don’t even masturbate. These asexuals have no libido. Some asexuals masturbate. Others have periods of sexual activity. Some are repelled by sex. Asexuality is a spectrum. The asexual...
Topics: narcissist, narcissism, asexual, grey sexuality, asexuality, ace, libido, hyposexuality, cerebral,...
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This is a summary of my shared fantasy-dual mothership framework for the narcissist’s intimate interpersonal relationships. 7 Stages of shared fantasy: 1. Co-Idealization (lovebombing, introject and narcissist all good because he owns object) 2. Dual mothership in a shared fantasy (recreation of childhood) 3. Need to reenact separation leads to mental discard which results in narcissistic injury (narcissist not omniscient, his judgment was wrong) 4. Devaluation of external object to restore...
Topics: narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic personality disorder, relationship, interpersonal, intimate,...
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Aug 1, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Narcissists attaches to objects (books, human bodies) and functions (the 4 Ss: sex, supply, services, and safety); borderline attaches to her regulated states. Different but complementary functions of their shared fantasies: engulfing (narcissist) vs. being engulfed (borderline). Dual mothership in operation in both types of shared fantasy. Approach-avoidance (borderline) vs. narcissist's attempted separation (devaluation and discard) Hoovering for different reasons (introject constancy vs....
Topics: narcissist, shared fantasy, intimate partner, love, emotions, children, sadistic, discard,...
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Jul 31, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Watch this first: Narcissist First Discards You in His Mind, Then in Reality https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xqqje8KsL90 During the devaluation and discard phases, the narcissist's attempts to hand over to you the introject (snapshot) that represents you in his mind, imbuing it with negativity (devaluation). It never works owing to the narcissist's introject constancy (intended to allay his abandonment anxiety/separation insecurity) and to his repetition compulsion.
Topics: snapshot, internal, external, narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, NPD, antisocial,...
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Jul 29, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Signs of imminent devaluation and discard: Emotional absence, indifference, and coldness Affected “civility” Constant criticism and denigration Passive-aggression Unfavorable comparisons Setting you up for failure and misconduct Paranoid ideation and pathological jealousy Sudden secret actions (financial or romantic) Public disparagement and humiliation, also with common children Sex withholding or degradation Cessation of all joint activities, especially of a social nature Pervasive...
Topics: snapshot, internal, external, narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, NPD, antisocial,...
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Jul 26, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Psychosis is the natural state in childhood: hyperreflexivity and internal objects=external ones. If the external is terrifying (abuse, trauma), the child transitions to BPD where internal objects are external (psychoticism) and with a False Self which starts as external (special friend) and ends as internal. This Self fragment or figment prevents full-fledged psychosis (a state of no self). If the BPD False Self is attacked and disabled by abuse and trauma, the child attempts to transition to...
Topics: Inner child, age, chronological, mental, emotional, parent, boundaries, separation, individual,...
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Finally, a revolution in the perception of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) in the newest editions of the DSM and ICD. Watch Future of Personality Disorders: ICD Revolutionary, DSM Craven https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQJ9bl7vuPc Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3
Topics: icd, who, dsm, apa, narcissistic personality disorder, npd, personality disorders, psychodynamics,...
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Jul 21, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Psychology is in crisis owing to the pernicious influences of celebrity and money. Scientists are claiming expertise when and where they have none. Many are "massaging" the results of experiments (replication crisis). Making unfounded claims based on flimsy or non-existent evidence Abusing their authority. Molecular Biology fundamentalists (Sapolsky BOOK) are grandiose and grossly misleading, I cringe. Some of the problems: correlation not causation, reductionism and ignorance...
Topics: dsm iv-tr, diagnostic and statistical manual, alternative model, narcissism, narcissistic...
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Jul 19, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Narcissist is in a state of prolonged grief and misery seeks company. Exposure to prolonged grief is traumatizing: transmission vector. Endogenous vs. Exogenous dysregulation. Driven to re-enact loss and resolve trauma with a maternal stand-in by recreating the trauma space (ideal Mom-ideal Kid in a shared fantasy engendered by secondary trauma). Vicarious trauma fosters role reversal from Mom to Kid (infantile regression); Narcissist as Mom can now abuse the Kid and disarm it (narcissistic...
Topics: Grief, grieving, mourning, defenses, weak, health, narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder,...
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Jul 18, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Trauma is contagious. You can develop PTSD just being exposed to a victim’s story (according to the DSM 5-TR). This is known as vicarious or secondary trauma. The risk is especially high if you had experienced a primary trauma. Reactions fall into two camps: avoidance or hyperarousal. How to cope? Community and happiness (or wellbeing) are the answers. Seek help if the symptoms get worse. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store:...
Topics: Social media, narcissism, psychopathy, mind, self, psychology, therapy, domestic violence, abuse,...
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Jul 17, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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The new text revision (TR) of the DSM 5 includes several important changes: 1. Covert narcissism as well as malignant narcissism finally made it into the text; 2. The DSM 5-TR recognizes the parity between women and men in terms of NPD diagnoses; 3. Pathological narcissism is reframed as compensatory in nature, intended to offset deep feelings of inferiority, shame, failure, and inadequacy; 4. NPD is associated with depression, reactive to self-perception of failure. But, unlike the ICD-11, the...
Topics: icd, who, dsm, apa, ego, narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, npd, personality,...
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Jul 16, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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The typical mass shooter is white, male, and young The shooting spree is a spectacle, showmanship, movie intended to make sense of life and render them meaningful by imbuing it with purpose and a mission Grandiosity is compensatory and connected to a general rise in narcissism and relative positioning (social media) It is about immortality, not suicidality, about a legacy It is a form of exerting control, empowerment, and anxiolysis Shooters have no social skills: feel rejected, bullied,...
Topics: adolescent, school, student, pupil, teacher, peers, parents, spree shooter, mass killer, serial...
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Jun 30, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Brain neuroplasticity supports self-states models in personality psychology. Phenomena such as ambivalence, cognitive dissonance, and compartmentalization also tally with the self-states model and militate against any model involving a unitary self or core identity. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3
Topics: narcissist, codependent, borderline, body language, body, brainwashing, entraining, brainwaves,...
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Cerebral narcissists rarely have sex. By definition, any narcissist who is sexually active is somatic. In the binary system of somatic-cerebral which often characterizes the period of switching, the narcissist cycles rapidly between abstinence and hypersexuality, a part of his approach-avoidance cycle (binary systems are dissonant and dysregulated and so resemble the borderline personality). The cerebral's narcissistic supply is a sublimation of his sex drive (Eros or libido). Consequently, a...
Topics: Self-trashing, cheating, mate selection, conflict, dysregulation, lability, borderline, psychopath,...
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Jun 26, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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There is no scientific evidence for the efficacy and effects imputed to psychedelics. Very few placebo-controlled clinical trials have been conducted and none of them showed promising results. Psychedelics may end up being another class of anti-depressants. Can psychedelics cure Narcissistic Personality Disorder? This claim is unmitigated nonsense. Narcissism is an all-pervasive, complex psychological condition that permeates and comprises every facet of the personality and all cognitions and...
Topics: ssri, prozac, anti-depressants, serotonin, dopamine, brain, biochemistry, diabetes, blood sugar,...
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Jun 23, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Comorbidities and Differential Diagnoses playlist https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPyvPdFhI0o&list=PLsh_y_ett4o2ejYzWDxEBw_8C7LYe2Udp There is an affinity between low functioning autism and borderline personality disorder. In both cases, the sufferer is overwhelmed by stimuli, external (autism) or internal (the borderline's dysregulated affects). In both cases, self-harm serves to fulfill three self-soothing functions: 1. Reassert control over the dynamic of irritation and aggravation (via...
Topics: cptsd, ptsd, trauma, borderline, personality disorder, dysregulation, abandonment, psychopathy,...
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Jun 22, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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The diagnosis matters - not the gender! Intra-diagnostic variation higher than inter-diagnostic variation. In other words: narcissistic women and narcissistic men are behaviorally different, but psychodynamically the same. Borderline women are very different to narcissistic women. The diagnoses are gender neutral. Feminists criticize psychology and psychiatry as instruments of social control, a part of the patriarchy. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store:...
Topics: narcissist, women, female, body, children, sex, narcissistic supply, false self, eating disorder,...
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Jun 14, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Types of identity disturbance or diffusion in Borderline and Narcissistic patients: Cyclical, Allotropic, Object-related. Autobiographical memory (narrative), dissociation, and core identity. Splitting and other primitive defenses and their role in identity disturbance. LITERATURE 1. Deutsch H. Some forms of emotional disturbance and their relationship to schizophrenia. Psychoanal Q. 1942;11:301–321. 2. Autobiographical memories, identity disturbance and brain functioning in patients with...
Topics: personality, psychology, memory, character, temperament, other, individual, culture, society,...
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Jun 10, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Psychopaths and narcissists have moral cognition (moral judgement) but, exactly like children, they make no distinction between moral transgressions and breaches of social mores and conventions. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3
Topics: emotions, morality, feelings, mind, brain, body, models, theories, psychology, arousal, body...
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Jun 7, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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I propose a new clinical entity in abnormal psychology: Precocious Adulthood Syndrome (PrAS) or adultification in people who were forced into adult roles in their childhood or adolescence. It is brought on (etiology) via three vectors: chronic illness (including mental illness) of either the parent or the child; sexual abuse; and parentifying or instrumentalizing the child. Parentifying (better said: adultifying) is when a child is coerced by caregivers into assuming adult, developmentally...
Topics: parentification, introject, parental, false self, codependent, narcissist, parenting, children,...
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"ROCD includes two common presentations: relationship-centered and partner-focused obsessive compulsive symptoms. People with relationship-centered obsessions often feel overwhelmed by doubts and worries focused on their feelings towards their partner, their partner’s feelings towards them, and the “rightness” of the relationship experience. They may repeatedly find themselves thinking “Is this the right relationship for me?”, “This is not real love!”, “Do I feel...
Topics: rocd, ocd, obsessive, compulsive, partner, relationship, doubts, intrusive, thoughts, cbt,...
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Jun 2, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Narcissist mortified when shamed and humiliated in public, in front of sources of supply or people he looks up to. Narcissist reacts with narcissistic injury to loss of supply. Borderline reacts with injury or mortification to abandonment or engulfment. Psychopath reacts with narcissistic injury to frustration (he is goal-oriented, but unable to delay gratification, is impulsive and reckless), “losing” (or not “winning” in a power play or mind game like gaslighting), and being played or...
Topics: rage, anger, narcissist, provocation, narcissistic injury, frustration, aggression, violence,...
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May 31, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Myths of the con artists of the self-help industry. Also watch: Abuse Victims, Beware: Common Sense is Harmful Nonsense (12 Myths Debunked) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=McWOGyGtuL0 Also watch 20 WRONG Ideas About Therapy, Psychology https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ekBATw1P-wE Also watch 8 Things You are Getting WRONG about Your Narcissist https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Xdnh7QUUkc MYTH You can learn from your mistakes FACT You are very likely to repeat your behaviors throughout your...
Topics: Psychology, myths, common sense, nonsense, facts, research, science, studies, tests, experiments,...
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May 28, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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I. Loss Induced Dysphoria This is the narcissist's depressive reaction to the loss of one or more Sources of Narcissistic Supply – or to the disintegration of a Pathological Narcissistic Space (PN Space, his stalking or hunting grounds, the social unit whose members lavish him with attention). II. Deficiency Induced Dysphoria Deep and acute depression which follows the aforementioned losses of Supply Sources or a PN Space. Having mourned these losses, the narcissist now grieves their...
Topics: depression, bipolar disorder, narcissism, ego, superego, inner critic, dysphoria, anhedonia,...
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May 27, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Forms of self-defeat and self-destructiveness: Constricted life Love addiction Perfectionism Self-denial Depression Numbing Dissociation Masochism Insecure attachment Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3
Topics: narcissism, narcissist, narcissistic supply, self-denial, frustration, masochism, sadism,...
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Collapsed narcissist fails to secure narcissistic supply or even self-supply and they lose all their Pathological Narcissistic Spaces. Narcissists then switch from one type to another (type inconstancy: cerebral-somatic and overt-covert) as a means to secure supply. When type reversion fails, it leads to narcissistic mortification, grandiosity bubbles, decompensation, and Borderline-like personality. These hysterical endeavours sometimes result in boom-bust cycles which involve, in the first...
Topics: narcissist, narcissism, grandiosity, inflated ego, false self, confabulation, narrative, story,...
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May 18, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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It is crucial that you learn everything about the personal and sexual history of your intimate partner. Absolutely insist on full disclosure – but never judge. War correspondent: trauma and personality (recklessness) The twin industries of self-help and psychotherapy are founded on the largely false assumption that fundamental personal transformation is always within reach, given sufficient willpower and determination. This counterfactual bit of self-serving, big bucks generating nonsense is...
Topics: intimacy, commitment, personality, hostile, pain, aversion, hurt, approach-avoidance repetition...
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Apr 25, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Gaslighters use deja vu, jamais vu, and entraining via semantic satiation to take over you mind and compromise your reality testing. Here is how to fight back. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3
Topics: gaslighting, ambient abuse, relationships, victim, survivor, abuser, narcissist, offender,...
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Apr 22, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Don't stay in an abusive relationship just because: you or your family love your partner your in-laws or your mutual friends, emotional blackmail, to avoid failure, thinking you won’t find someone better, your partner is apologizing and making promises, you accept that you not worthy of love (gaslighting), because you’ve been together for a long time (sunk cost fallacy), Because you hate dating or having to move, to maintain stability, your partner is a great catch, for money or the house,...
Topics: relationships, love, in-laws, family, loneliness, burden, chores, blackmail, failure, friends,...
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Apr 16, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Self-splitting: princess/Madonna vs. whore Freud Father Complex (Oedipus and Electra complexes) Studies: correlation with promiscuity and sexual recklessness in women. In men: lack of a male role model, feelings of inadequacy such as a lack of self-confidence and self-esteem, and a quest in adulthood to find father substitutes. What are people with daddy issues looking for? WOMEN: care, protection, approval, acceptance, understanding, support, validation, adoration, attention, worship, reality...
Topics: narcissist, parenting, children, off-spring, visitation, custody, divorce, narcissism, genetics,...
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Mar 28, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Negative identity (in contradistinction to others): rejecting – including self-rejection - as MO. Self-rejection owing to autoplastic defenses and self-loathing. External locus of control: life out of control Bad object introjection leads to: estrangement, catastrophizing, OCD rituals, addiction. Focus on goal rather than process (life) is compensatory and constitutes self-rejection (I am not a bad object). Some narcissists drop everything, decathect, especially in anomic, narcissistic...
Topics: abuse, antisocial, dsm, ego, narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, npd, object relations,...
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Mar 23, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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How To Love the Narcissist AND Keep Him? Two opposing strategies: 1. Be like his dead mother: cold, rejecting, selfish, absent, unsafe (triangulate, cheat, betray), approach-avoidant, fake. This leads to the narcissist trauma bonding with you in order to reenact early childhood conflicts and results in devaluation, discard, and replacement (separation-individuation) and then hoovering (if no mortification is incurred). 2. Be the opposite of his mother: conform to the snapshot. Cope with Abuse:...
Topics: no contact, background noise, abuse, antisocial, narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder,...
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Mar 22, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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It is impossible to love others if you do not love yourself. All love is self-love: regarding yourself through the eyes of your lover allows you to apprehend yourself as an external object and delineate your boundaries, to become, to regulate your sense of self-worth internally, and to take on the world, becoming a better version of yourself. Narcissism is not self-love: no self to love (Watch this: Ego is Opposite of Narcissism: Ego Functions https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bVjbnJLK4fQ ) and...
Topics: self love, narcissism, egotism, happiness, awareness, acceptance, trust, self-efficacy, experience,...
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To participate in the seminar, write to: Barbara Gyura narciszcoach@gmail.com Narcissist’s Relationship Cycle Decoded and What To Do About It • Lovebombing, grooming, and honeymoon (Dual Mothering) • Idealization and Introjection (snapshooting) • Devaluation, Discard, and Separation-Individuation • Replacement and Repetition-Compulsion Narcissist regards himself as dream come true, god’s gift to you, perfection reified, the ideal intimate partner. How can he be so sure? Because he...
Topics: Narcissistic Abuse, Narcissism (Symptom), narcissism, narcissist, psychopath, survivor, victim,...
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Mar 17, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Similar to the narcissist's shared fantasy, mystical experiences and religions founded on these experiences are delusional regressions to an infantile phase prior to separation-individuation from god/cosmos/nature and merger/fusion/oceanic feeling/enmeshment/engulfment (no self-object or object representations). Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3
Topics: mysticism, mystical, experience, religion, regression, childhood, god, brain, neuroscience, self,...
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Mar 16, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Watch SECRET Reason Narcissist Devalues, Discards YOU https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hi3PjMeV1xw Separation-individuation from external – now persecutory - object, but not from “snapshot” (internal object-introject) which is still idealized as a mother figure and with which the narcissist is still enmeshed in a shared fantasy. Narcissism is a missionary religion, replete with a deity (false self), OCD rituals, and addiction. The shared fantasy is populated with idealized images, the...
Topics: snapshot, defenses, disability, object, internal, external, narcissism, narcissistic personality...
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Mar 13, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Age of Splitting: This is the age of splitting: black vs. white, 100% right against 1000% wrong. Nothing in between, no subtleties or nuances. The world as a morality play of angels fighting demons. Public intellectuals, “experts”, gurus, and coaches thrive on splitting. They sacrifice their intellectual integrity for the sake of dumb popularity. Splitting is an infantile psychological defense mechanism. It is a hallmark of immaturity and an antidote to empathy. It precludes cooperation and...
Topics: doom, calamity, catastrophe, civilization, education, narcissism, psychopathy, middle ages, mental...
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Mar 11, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Constructive Anger Communicate your anger honestly, firmly, but not aggressively (never bottle up or internalize your anger, never act passive-aggressively) Describe your state of mind, don’t blame, guilt-trip, or shame Ask for change: new actions or behaviors or speech acts. Offer change in return, if need be. Be assertive, not submissive. Narcissistic rage has two forms: I. Explosive – The narcissist flares up, attacks everyone in his immediate vicinity, causes damage to objects or...
Topics: narcissist, narcissistic rage, anger, fury, wrath, pissed-off, angry, raging, wrathful,...
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The narcissist implants his introjects (voices) in your mind, using abusive entraining. His voices, in turn, trigger your voices,. Here is a map of the narcissist's voices in your mind (D=Death, L=Life, G=God). First letter is his voice in your mind - second letter is your voice triggered by his voice in your mind: D L (his narcissistic abuse-your survival instincts) G G (his and your narcissistic defenses) L D (his narcissistic abuse in order to separate-individuate, your self-sacrifice) Death...
Topics: snapshot, defenses, object, internal, external, narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, NPD,...
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Mar 2, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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The Borderline hooks up with potential partners using two self-defeating mating strategies : she either offers the full gamut of sex immediately - or she reveals her mental illness by disclosing her personal history, decompensating, and acting out in a dysregulated and unboundaried manner. The first strategy appeals to predators and players. They use the Borderline sexually, usually only once, and then move on leaving her hurt and dumbfounded, having succumbed to all their kinky and even lurid...
Topics: narcissist, borderline, shame, guilt, fear, personality, needs, cheating, intimate partner,...
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Feb 24, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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The entire relationship with the narcissist is intended to recreate the dynamics of the conflict with the narcissist’s mother during his formative years - but this time around with a different outcome and different power matrix: successful separation-individuation via the twin acts of devaluation and discard from an empowered position. How does the narcissist attempt to bring these outcomes about? In narcissistic abuse, the narcissist acts as a ventriloquist: he animates the internal object...
Topics: snapshot, internal, external, narcissism, narcissistic personality disorder, NPD, antisocial,...
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Feb 9, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Also watch "Deprogram the Narcissist in Your Mind" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCKm2lywhZg Dissociation (pay heed: do not use the wrong word disassociation!) and objectification are at the core of separation-individuation around the ages of 18-24 months. Prior to the separation phase, the child is in a symbiotic state. He regards his mother as a part of himself. To separate from her, he needs to cut off this part and objectify it (render it an external object). He also develops...
Topics: snapshot, defenses, disability, object, internal, external, narcissism, narcissistic personality...
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Feb 7, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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The narcissist is incapable of attachment, bonding, and positive emotionality He is possessive of his women only in two situations: GRANDIOSITY/UNIQUENESS 1. When he is acquiring a woman and she chooses another man over him for sex only or for more, thus disrupting the process of co-idealization; UTILITARIAN/INSTRUMENTAL/TRANSACTIONAL 2. When in a shared fantasy and he risks losing the 3 Ss that she provides him with (sex, services, narcissistic or sadistic supply). Similarly, he is interested...
Topics: relationships, intimacy, jealousy, regulation, narcissist, psychopath, borderline, codependent,...
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Feb 6, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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We construct or adopt narratives in order to make sense of ourselves, of others, and of the world at large. Narratives can be rigid (ideological) or open-ended (mutable or flexible). Rigid narratives are ritualistic, prescriptive, and proscriptive. They are immutable and often counterfactual. They constitute a part of their adherents’s identity. Religion is a rigid narrative, for example. Healthy, normal people can hold several compartmentalized narratives simultaneously and deploy them...
Topics: resistance, insight, cognition, emotion, comfort zone, familiar, predictable, safety, defenses,...
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Feb 3, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Motherhood is a JOB. Anyone - men, women, an AI robot - can be a "good enough mother". Mother’s main role is to frustrate the child and push it away, allowing it to separate, individuate, and form proper reality testing, get rid of magical thinking. At the same time, the mother needs to be a safe/secure base: empathic, attuned, caring, loving, accepting. Prepare the child for physical reality, social reality (socialization), hegemonic culture (acculturation), and skills acquisition....
Topics: narcissist, parenting, children, off-spring, visitation, custody, divorce, narcissism, genetics,...
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The narcissist induces in you a dream state by entraining you, takes over your unconscious, mirrors you as loving mother would, inserts himself as an intractable introject in your mind. The guy in the photo is Jacques Lacan - not Sam Vaknin. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3
Topics: stress testing, shared fantasy, intimate partner, hate, communication, boundaries, indifference,...
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Jan 28, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Father absence has few negative outcomes on children. This is especially true if the mother is "good enough" (Winnicott) and not "dead" (Green). Children's future wellbeing as adults depends crucially on demography and socioeconomic status, not on the presence of the biological father. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3 Mooney, A., Oliver, C., & Smith, M. (2009). Impact of...
Topics: narcissist, parenting, children, off-spring, visitation, custody, divorce, narcissism, genetics,...
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Jan 27, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Many of the things we think we know about psychotherapy and psychology are DEAD WRONG. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3
Topics: psychology, theory, psychiatry, psychotherapy, therapist, psychiatrist, psychologist, science,...
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I.                  Scams, Scandals, and Scoundrels II.                Men, Women, Gender Wars III.              Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Other Predators IV.              Sex and Intimacy: Forgotten Arts V.                Democracy, History, and Other Fictions VI.              Me, Me, and Me VII.           Public Intellect, Private Rants
Topics: Instagram, Sam Vaknin, Scams, Scandals, Men, Women, Gender, Narcissists, Psychopaths, Predators,...
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Jan 26, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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I.                  Scams, Scandals, and Scoundrels II.                Men, Women, Gender Wars III.              Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Other Predators IV.              Sex and Intimacy: Forgotten Arts V.                Democracy, History, and Other Fictions VI.              Me, Me, and Me VII.           Public Intellect, Private Rants
Topics: Instagram, Sam Vaknin, Scams, Scandals, Men, Women, Gender, Narcissists, Psychopaths, Predators,...
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I.                  Scams, Scandals, and Scoundrels II.                Men, Women, Gender Wars III.              Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Other Predators IV.              Sex and Intimacy: Forgotten Arts V.                Democracy, History, and Other Fictions VI.              Me, Me, and Me VII.           Public Intellect, Private Rants
Topics: Instagram, Sam Vaknin, Scams, Scandals, Men, Women, Gender, Narcissists, Psychopaths, Predators,...
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Jan 26, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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I.                  Scams, Scandals, and Scoundrels II.                Men, Women, Gender Wars III.              Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Other Predators IV.              Sex and Intimacy: Forgotten Arts V.                Democracy, History, and Other Fictions VI.              Me, Me, and Me VII.           Public Intellect, Private Rants
Topics: Instagram, Sam Vaknin, Scams, Scandals, Men, Women, Gender, Narcissists, Psychopaths, Predators,...
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Transference can be construed as a form of flashback (revividness): we displace onto a meaningful figure (like a therapist or an intimate partner) emotions and ideas associated originally with objects in earlier life. We relate to the new entrant as if s/he were that previous figure and project onto them object representations acquired by earlier introjections. This way we imbue them with disproportional significance and interact with them using ingrained behavioral strategies. We often use...
Topics: trauma, ptsd, cptsd, flashbacks, emotions, cognitions, dissociation, childhood, reliving,...
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Jan 25, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Resistance is the coherent deployment of psychological defenses to cope with ego dystonic information about oneself. It could also be a collective response. Certain cognitive-behavioral patterns (e.g., repetition compulsion) are also resistances. There are four groups of resistances: 1. Comfort zone preservation: maintaining control by rejecting the unfamiliar and the challenging. This fosters a sense of safety, predictability, certainty, agency, and self efficacy. 2. Resistance to dread- and...
Topics: resistance, insight, cognition, emotion, comfort zone, familiar, predictable, safety, defenses,...
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Jan 22, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Attachment style is stable over the lifespan.   Attachment behaviors and internal relationship models change in 30% of people.   Behaviors can be modified to counter effects of attachment style.   Intensity of attachment orientation changes.   The changes are mediated via:   Quality of relationships, type of partner Traumas Therapy Personality Disorders Life Crises   Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store:...
Topics: narcissist, psychopath, borderline, cluster B, histrionic, cptsd, complex trauma, victim,...
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Jan 21, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Advice online and in self-help books is often wrong and counterproductive. Two examples: There is no such thing as “wrong partner”. Your mate selection is always on point and on target. If you are a self-loathing and self-trashing masochist - an abusive narcissist is the right partner for you, for one night or for decades. If you dread intimacy, being vulnerable, and heartbreak - an avoidant-dismissive mate is a match made in heaven. Having a true intimate partner would only enhance your...
Topics: intimacy, commitment, personality, hostile, pain, aversion, hurt, approach-avoidance repetition...
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Jan 21, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Capitalism is founded on destructive envy and driven by it. "Many people, and especially intellectuals, passionately loathe capitalism. In a society based on caste and status, the individual can ascribe adverse fate to conditions beyond his control. In ... capitalism ... everybody's station in life depends on his doing ... (what makes a man rich is) not the evaluation of his contribution from any 'absolute' principle of justice but the evaluation on the part of his fellow men who...
Topics: envy, capitalism, property, poor, affluent, rich, inequality, destruction, jealousy, money,...
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Jan 21, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Real sex is soon going to be a thing of the past: holographic porn, sex dolls, AI sex apps, VR and AR sex in the Metaverse, and AI sex robots will easily outcompete the carbon-based versions, especially where men are concerned. This transition will give rise to a host of new ethical and behavioral questions. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3
Topics: sex, gender, technology, robots, ai, bots, women, men, relationships, porn, holography, virtual...
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Jan 20, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Narcissist’s introject muted, yours active and vociferous. Narcissist theatre play: he scripts and directs, you act and prop (external locus of control) Current advice wrong, freezes emergent roles and, therefore, locus. Reverse the roles: you script and direct, he acts and is a prop, whether he is physically present or not (introject). Own the narcissist by appropriating his roles and then constellate/integrate the parts Separation-individuation on the road to recovery and healing. Find and...
Topics: narcissist, codependent, borderline, gaze, body language, body, brainwashing, entraining,...
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Jan 14, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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The age of testosterone (patriarchy) was defined by territorial aggression and sexual procreation. It was followed by a 200 year interlude: the age of oxytocin, a prosocial bonding hormone. Romanticism inexorably led to feminism and ushered in the age of atomized hedonism and addictive, individualistic, pleasure-seeking dopamine. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3
Topics: dompamine, testosterone, oxytocin, west, civilization, agriculture, industry, material, goods,...
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Dynamic-maturational model of attachment and adaptation teaches us that the majority of attachment strategies lead to relationship failures. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3
Topics: narcissistic abuse, abuse, antisocial, battering, divorce, domestic violence, dsm, ego, harassment,...
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Jan 5, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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The elements of the Dark Triad personality include Machiavellianism, subclinical narcissism, and subclinical psychopathy. The Dark Tetrad added everyday sadism. I propose a new construct: the Dark Pentagram Personality which will incorporate borderline personality and covert narcissism, but not everyday sadism (which overlaps psychopathy). Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3
Topics: narcissism, personality, narcissistic personality disorder, NPD, psychopaths, antisocial,...
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Jan 3, 2022 Sam Vaknin
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Mislabeling and misidentifying internal dynamics is a common cognitive distortion among cluster B patients. Self-deceiving mental artifacts and self-gaslighting are the hallmarks of several personality disorders, including Narcissistic and Borderline. Consider, for example the interpersonal dimension. The personality disordered are totally incapable of any intimacy and of any emotions whatsoever in sex and, more generally, with people. They habitually confuse dependency, limerence, novelty,...
Topics: love, lust, biochemistry, brain, hormones, attraction, monogamy, relationships, couples, marriage,...
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Dec 31, 2021 Sam Vaknin
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In a futile attempt at closure, the narcissist keeps re-enacting, throughout his adult life, early childhood conflicts with his parents, who are also important sources of narcissistic supply. Naturally, the narcissist has a mixed reaction to the passing away of his parents. It is composed of elation and a sense of overwhelming freedom mixed with grief. The narcissist is attached to his parents in much the same way as a hostage gets "attached" to his captors (the Stockholm syndrome),...
Topics: narcissist, parents, mother, father, parenting, abuse, family, narcissistic supply, children,...
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Dec 31, 2021 Sam Vaknin
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This is the age of pervasive distrust: of experts, of science, of the authorities, of the future, and of each other. Everyone is wary of being played. Personal growth, self development, and healing crucially depend on vulnerability and the willingness to accept hurt and loss. This is especially true in family settings and intimate relationships. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3
Topics: trust, love, emotions, critical thinking, relationships, betrayal, pain, hurt, cheating, intimate...
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Dec 22, 2021 Sam Vaknin
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Some narcissists devalue and discard their partners during a pregnancy or shortly after childbirth. What gives? A pregnant female is an autonomous, agentic woman. This challenges and undermines the inert and malleable internal object that represents her in the narcissist's mind (her "snapshot" or introject). The narcissist reacts with separation insecurity (abandonment anxiety) to this divergence. He is humiliated at his exposed dependence and helplessness. In an attempt to rid...
Topics: narcissist, psychopath, children, family, hate, false self, narcissistic supply, health, caregiver,...
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Dec 7, 2021 Sam Vaknin
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The narcissist devalues you because you won’t freeze, play dead, and conform to your snapshot in his mind. This challenges his grandiosity and amplifies his separation insecurity (abandonment or separation anxiety). But there is another reason: the narcissist wants you dead because he is already dead and it is lonely out there, in the void, in oblivion. The narcissist prefers to be in dead relationships because he is utterly dead inside. Being no more than a walking-talking corpse, the...
Topics: narcissist, personality disorder, false self, narcissistic supply, idealization, devaluation,...
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Dec 3, 2021 Sam Vaknin
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Loving the narcissist is a very agonizing experience. Why? Lack of empathy Indifference after lovebombing: death of a dream and the shared fantasy Withdrawal and avoidance Scouting for alternatives and discard Sexlessness Paranoia Possessiveness Narcissistic rage Depression “Love” conditioned on performance Intermittent reinforcement Devaluation Memory lapses and confabulations Impaired reality testing (grandiosity as cognitive distortion) Miscommunication Intransigence Find and Buy MOST of...
Topics: shared fantasy, intimate partner, boundaries, indifference, isolation, pain, hurt, defences, sex,...
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Dec 2, 2021 Sam Vaknin
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The issue of abortion is emotionally loaded and this often makes for poor, not thoroughly thought out arguments. The questions: "Is abortion immoral" and "Is abortion a murder" are often confused. The pregnancy (and the resulting fetus) are discussed in terms normally reserved to natural catastrophes (force majeure). At times, the embryo is compared to cancer, a thief, or an invader: after all, they are both growths, clusters of cells. The difference, of course, is that no...
Topics: abortion, life, death, moral, legal, rights, obligations, duties, social, contract, medical, rape,...
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Nov 27, 2021 Sam Vaknin
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Adolescent Narcissism: Personal Fable, Imaginary Audience, Depressive Realism, Defensive Pessimism, Hostile Attribution. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3
Topics: Inner child, Puer Aeternus, Peter Pan Syndrome, age, chronological, mental, emotional, parent,...
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Nov 21, 2021 Sam Vaknin
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Nothing terrifies the Borderline more than abandonment and rejection, real, anticipated, or imagined. In the wake of repeated such harrowing experiences, Borderlines react in two ways, often alternating between them: 1. They avoid all contact with potential intimate partners, constrict their lives to work only, and become schizoid; or 2. They sexually self-trash in casual random sex, exclusively with strangers. This way, they never experience heartbreak, they mitigate the pain of having been...
Topics: sex, mental health, depression, substance, abuse, alcohol, drugs, harm, mutilation, trashing,...
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Nov 19, 2021 Sam Vaknin
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Weak people terrify me. Weakness of character is indistinguishable from evil. The weak are suggestible, malleable, mutable and, therefore highly unstable, unreliable, and untrustworthy. People pleasing and an inability to say “no” even to the most degrading offers and demands lead the weak to reckless, disgraceful, and antisocial acts. They are enablers in the worst sense of the word: aid and abet the self-destructiveness of others. Gradually, to survive their wracking guilt, shame, and...
Topics: narcissist, people-pleaser, codependent, narcissism, codependency, charm, charmer, abandonment,...
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Nov 18, 2021 Sam Vaknin
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Post-modernity, Environmentalism, Marxism, Nazism, Racism, Liberalism, The Renaissance, and Colonialism were/are all Reactionary Ideas of Progress. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3
Topics: Post-modernity, The Renaissance, Nazism, reactionary, idea, progress, colonialism,...
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Nov 17, 2021 Sam Vaknin
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When someone with a Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) acts out and cheats on her partner (secondary psychopathy self-state), she feels guilty and ashamed in the aftermath. But she also dreads her mate’s reaction (separation insecurity). So, to ease her conscience, she voluntarily confesses but she also lies about what had actually happened. Typically, she minimizes the transgression: “We just danced, or hugged, or kissed, talked, or drank, or had coffee together for old times’...
Topics: narcissist, lies, confabulations, narratives, white lies, narcissistic supply, liar, pathological...
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Nov 4, 2021 Sam Vaknin
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Narcissists are 2 year old infants who are trapped in a post-traumatic condition characterized by a perpetual prolonged complicated grief coupled with depression. Already in 1942 Hervey Cleckley hypothesized that narcissists and psychopaths may be actually emotionally hypersensitive and inordinately intelligent. Their disorders are defensive attempts to wall off emotions that were so profound that they threatened to overwhelm and dysregulate them. Theirs is a post-traumatic state that can best...
Topics: Grief, grieving, mourning, defenses, disability, illness, sickness, weak, health, narcissism,...
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Can one person be BOTH an overt narcissist and a covert narcissist AT THE SAME TIME? Learn about self-supply ( 44:17 ). The concept of the unitary self is being replaced with the idea that an internal operating system determines which of several self-states emerges, given internally and externally (environmentally) generated information. Self-efficacy is the overriding constraint which the system seeks to optimize when hailing forth these sub-personalities or pseudoidentities. When all relevant...
Topics: multiple personality, personality disorders, dissociation, alters, host personality, false self,...
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The narcissist is a 2 years old forever trapped in the no man's land between Mommy and the Big World out there. The good enough mother allows her child to separate from her, take on reality, and individuate even as she helps it to maintain object constancy by always acting as a "safe base". The narcissist's mother refuses to let him go because she is insecure, selfish, depressed, parentifying, or dependent. Consequently, the adult narcissist pendulates between a maternal figure in a...
Topics: narcissist, narcissism, false self, narcissistic supply, narcissistic space, pns, omnipotence,...
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Sep 3, 2021 Sam Vaknin
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Closure prevents moving on from trauma and abuse and retards personal growth. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3
Topics: narcissist, psychopath, abuse, victim, survivor, forgetting, moving on, recovery, healing,...
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Aug 28, 2021 Sam Vaknin
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Love addicts crave the high of falling in love, but not the intimacy and relationships that follow. They are dysregulated, unboundaried (especially sexually), prone to fantasy, compulsive, impulsive, and suffer from mood and anxiety disorders. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/60F8EC8A-5812-4007-9F2C-DFA02EA713B3
Topics: love, lust, biochemistry, brain, hormones, attraction, monogamy, relationships, couples, marriage,...
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Aug 25, 2021 Sam Vaknin
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A 2017 study shows that many narcissists are MORE forgiving and merciful that healthier folk. This debunks one of the many nonsensical myths propagated online by hacks with academic degrees who proclaim themselves as "experts" on narcissism with zero relevant credentials. Here is another piece de resistance of profound ignorance: Many self-styled narcissism “experts” would tell you with the faux authoritativeness of the hack that all psychopaths are narcissists. It is rank...
Topics: narcissist, abuse, giving, charity, charm, altruist, prosocial, communal, loving, money,...
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Aug 23, 2021 Sam Vaknin
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Hate is often confused with love because it produces the same bonding/attachment to its subjects. The transition from love to hatred is seamless and imperceptible. The two emotions often cohabit (ambivalence which is a form of dissonance). Such conflation is especially pronounced in mental health disorders that involve object inconstancy, persecutory objects, dysregulation, and abandonment anxiety. In these, the wish to subsume the intimate partner, merge or fuse with him is felt as a wish to...
Topics: narcissist, sadist, pain, hurt, masochist, self-punishment, social, paranoid, asexual, criticism,...
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Aug 22, 2021 Sam Vaknin
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I.                  Scams, Scandals, and Scoundrels II.                Men, Women, Gender Wars III.              Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Other Predators IV.              Sex and Intimacy: Forgotten Arts V.                Democracy, History, and Other Fictions VI.              Me, Me, and Me VII.           Public Intellect, Private Rants
Topics: Sam vaknin, instagram, wisdom, saying, texts, rants, life, psychology, narcissism, psychopathy,...
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I.                  Scams, Scandals, and Scoundrels II.                Men, Women, Gender Wars III.              Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Other Predators IV.              Sex and Intimacy: Forgotten Arts V.                Democracy, History, and Other Fictions VI.              Me, Me, and Me VII.           Public Intellect, Private Rants
Topics: Sam vaknin, instagram, wisdom, saying, texts, rants, life, psychology, narcissism, psychopathy,...
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Aug 22, 2021 Sam Vaknin
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I.                  Scams, Scandals, and Scoundrels II.                Men, Women, Gender Wars III.              Narcissists, Psychopaths, and Other Predators IV.              Sex and Intimacy: Forgotten Arts V.                Democracy, History, and Other Fictions VI.              Me, Me, and Me VII.           Public Intellect, Private Rants
Topics: Sam vaknin, instagram, wisdom, saying, texts, rants, life, psychology, narcissism, psychopathy,...
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Aug 22, 2021 Sam Vaknin
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Narcissists confuse and conflate their universe of internal persecutory objects with reality. So, they perceive any change in their environment as a destruction of the self. This creates anxiety and they use kinky or paraphiliac sexuality to mitigate it. In an increasingly more narcissistic and psychopathic civilization, these individual pathologies became normative. Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store:...
Topics: change, transformation, Self-trashing, cheating, mate selection, conflict, dysregulation, lability,...
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Aug 19, 2021 Sam Vaknin
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The narcissist's life is entirely in the public sphere. Privacy is anathema to the narcissist. In theory, private life is insulated and shielded from social pressures, the ambit of norms and laws, and even the strictures of public morality. Reality, though, is different. The encroachment of the public is inexorable and, probably, irreversible. The individual is forced to share, consent to, or merely obey a panoply of laws, norms, and regulations not only in his or her relationships with others...
Topics: private, public, society, technology, life, celebrity, fame, intrusion, invasion, crime, drugs,...
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Aug 12, 2021 Sam Vaknin
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Introverts are invested in introspection, are never impulsive, reckless, defiant, or dysregulated (never borderline or psychopathic). They are avoid over-stimulation. Unlike shy people, they are not apprehensive, anxious, or afraid of unfamiliar social settings. Introversion is a choice or a preference - not an avoidant, phobic behavior (like in social anxiety or social phobia). Find and Buy MOST of my BOOKS and eBOOKS in my Amazon Store:...
Topics: shyness, emotions, anger, sexuality, masochism, paranoid ideation, anticipatory anxiety,...
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Aug 9, 2021 Sam Vaknin
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If we don't dump the death cult that is Western "civilization", we are doomed as a species. We are all profoundly unhappy and a growing minority of us are clinically mentally ill. This astounding outcome of human history can be traced back to four pernicious wrong turns: agriculture, urbanization, growth orientation, and the adversarial organizational principle. Agricultural was the harbinger and antecedent of the rape of Earth (think ploughing). Using sheer muscle power, Man...
Topics: west, civilization, agriculture, industry, material, goods, manufacturing, happiness, loneliness,...